The Antisocial Convention
by jgc123
Summary: The antisocials have a convention. Soon it turns into a horrible consipiracy and a fight to become king of the antisocials! What lengths will the candidates go to win? Rated T for violence and mild language.
1. The Unrelated Tale of Chouji

Yes, my first story. Why don't you read it?

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did, Sasuke would be dead and it would be called, 'Kakashi', or 'Shino' or 'Gaara' or... 'Blordehourtsenmohck'.

111111111111111111111111111111111111111

It all began on a normal day in the Akamichi household.

"What a fine day." said Chouji gleefully, "I think I'll go have breakfast!"

Chouji entered his kitchen and prepared a huge meal. Laying out his succulent feast, he ate up 2 hours worth of work in approximately 3 and a half minutes.

"Well, time to go train!"

And he did. But, something was wrong! Poor Chouji! NOBODY WAS THERE! OH MY GAWD!

"OH MY GAWD!" he screamed. Chouji ran in circles for a little bit, but decided he would ask for help.

He started down the road, and who did he see but NEJI!

"Hello, Neji. How are you on this fine day?" asked Chouji nicely so he could strike up a conversation and ask.

Neji didn't even look at him. He made a little, 'feh' sound and kept walking.

Chouji started again, only to see... SHINO!

"Hello, Shino. How are you on this fine day?" asked Chouji again.

Shino stopped walking and looked at him. "..." he said. Shino turned and kept going.

So Chouji KEPT walking. Then he saw... SASUKE!

He repeated his question.

"Who are you again?" Sasuke asked.

"Chouji."

"Whatever." and Sasuke walked on.

Chouji was not deterred, however. Next he ran into... Gaara?

Chouji wasn't about to be rude, no matter how scary Gaara was, and asked, "Gaara! "How are you on this fine day?"

"Are you mocking me?" asked Gaara coldly.

"Of course not! I am but a jolly soul!"

"Oh. Ok. I'm fine I guess. Besides the DEMON in me that tells me to FEAST ON YOUR FLESH."

"Um... bye then. Thanks."

Kakashi dashed past him at top speed! Well, not THAT fast, but he was running.

Chouji wondered why all the antisocials plus Kakashi were going in the same direction. Now he had 2 mysteries to solve!

Then he saw Sakura sitting on a bench.

"Why, hello Sakura."

"Hey Chouji..."

"What's wrong?"

"S... SASUKE'S GOING TO A PARTY WITHOUT ME!"

"Party?"

"Yes. The Antisocial Convention! I'm much too social to go!" she sobbed.

"Yeh..."

Chouji backed away.

When he saw... NARUTO! But, Shikamaru said Naruto has the stupid disease, and Chouji doesn't want to get sick, so he keeps going until he sees KIBA! and HINATA!

"Hi Ch-Chouji..." said Hinata.

"HI!" screamed Kiba.

"Hi?" said Chouji.

Kiba kicked him.

"You kicked me."

"Yupper!"

"...?"

Chouji left. UNTIL HE SAW SHIKAMARU AND INO!

"Chouji, before you say anything, today we have no training." Shikamaru drawled.

"Oh. Oops. Why are you with Ino?"

"He is carrying my stuff as I shop!" cried Ino cheerfully.

"Troublesome." Shikamaru said.

At this point, Chouji realized Shikamaru was holding about 20 huge shopping bags. Then he wondered why he didn't notice before. THEN he realized he could ask about the Antisocial Convention!

"Hey, Shikamaru. What's the Antisocial Convention?"

"A wierd convention for people who are antisocial. They needed adult supervision, so they brought Kakashi along since he'll just sit there anyway."

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

I bet you can't wait for the next chapter covering the beginning of the convention!


	2. The Convention Begins

The horror part begins today. Kukukuku...

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

By this time, everyone had arrived at the convention in all of it's antisocialness. Not just Konoha's antisocials, but Itachi, the Akatsuki, various other missing nins, and other antisocials from around the world. Everybody was at a truce as antisocials must stick together, however ironic it sounds.

The antisocials just stood around or ate, wasting time.

Neji and Sasuke quietly murmered a conversation because antisocials have sort of understanding of eachother.

"... why did they call it a convention, Sasuke? In fact... who is they? Who arranged this?" asked Neji supiciously.

"I am not sure. Who would?" asked Sasuke in a nonchalant fashion.

"It... what if it was the... f-fan girls!" Neji spoke a little louder.

Sasuke's eyes widened. Both of them glanced around the room nervously, looking for a camera or fangirl in disguise. The antisocials are a powerful group, but the power of love- no, OBSESSION is stronger.

Sasuke went of to the microphone in front of the room.

"Does anyone know who planned this thing?" Sasuke asked everyone.

A few people shrugged, and some others just said, "No."

"If nobody knows, then this could be the work of the dreaded Fan Girl or the Mary Sues. Worse, it could be the Gary Stues!" he announced solemnly. He then walked of the stage.

Everyone (except Kakashi) started to look about, and flinch at the slightest sound. When a glass fell on the ground, everyone (even Kakashi) in the room turned and prepared to throw a kunai at whoever did it. No one was there...

"Alright kids, I think an emergency meeting is in order." said Kakashi abruptly.

"Tch, what would YOU know about antisocial dealing with fangirls?" said... somebody.

"Tell me, do I have any friends or family that any of you know of? DID I ever have any friends?"

"What about the Obito guy?" asked Sasuke, thinking about Kakashi's little mentioned aquaintance.

"That doesn't count. He wasn't my friend until he was dead." Kakashi said smugly.

"Well, I guess he _is_ antisocial." Gaara said.

Then Kakashi said, "Well, just deem me king of the antisocials."

Sasuke scowled and said, "No, me! I have more fangirls!"

Kakashi gasped and said, "Bring it on you-"

Gaara stepped between them and said, " No! We must have a contest! Any ideas?"

Itachi stepped forward and proposed the idea of finding out how many fangirls each person has.

"Fangirl count. Check.", Gaara said suddenly with a checkboard.

"How about we measure the levels of complete emotional detatchment of each person..." said Kakashi with a shadow casting over his face.

Gaara stepped away and said, "Detatchment. Check..."

So they put this plan in action. It was to be a battle between Kakashi, that cool guy; Sasuke, that... angsty guy; and Itachi, the ..um..angsty guy's brother person. Thing. Yeah.

Each contestant got a guy who would end up... vice-king or whatever. Loser- I mean, Sasuke had Neji, Itachi had Kisame, and Kakashi had... Gaara?

Anyway, the ' vice-kings' were sent off to find out how many fangirls their corresponding king had.

For now, we shall follow the adventures of... NEJI!

Neji walked down the road. Hunting for fangirls? It was insane!

Then Neji bumped into Sakura.

"... Sakura."

"Wah! Neji!" Sakura jumped in soup rise.

"I need information." he said plainly.

"Hm? What kind of information?"

"I need some specific numbers and I think you should be able to help."

"Uh-huh. Well, I might be able to tell you something if it has something to do with Sasuke."

"As it happens, that is exactly the sort of information I need."

Even though Sakura was mighty confused by this point, she said slyly, "Only fans can have acess to the Sasuke archives. So unless you join the club, you can't find out!"

Not so far away, Kisame sat sulkily on a bench.

Farther away, but not too far, Gaara made his way quietly to the ROOM OF GOING BACK IN TIME PLACE!

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

w00t! In the next chapter I will further Neji's doom and begin Kisame's quest!


	3. Neji: The ultimate fangirl?

Okay, I KNOW I haven't updated in forever, but you know what? I bet it's somehow your fault. I'm blaming YOU! WAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, whatever. It was actually because I'm Kalilamae's beta. FEEL MY WRATH!

nf934bh89fvgn83o45h89nhvgforewq

In the convention, Itachi had an unrelated thought. _Why did Kakashi need to be the supervision if there are so many adults here?_

But who cares about what Itachi's cute demented little mind was currently thinking when Neji was undergoing... the Sasuke Fangirl Club Entrance Ceremony, also known as the evil hazing ritual of HELL.

Neji gulped nervously. His first task was to steal something interesting out of Sasuke's room. Lucky for him, Sasuke was not around. Unlucky for him, Sasuke's stuff was not very interesting besides a titanium safe with little rainbow bubble letter stickers spelling out 'SASUKE' in a wiggly line. While he really didn't want Sasuke to be king, Neji decided he would overthrow him. Little did he know, he would soon note allowed.

Clambering into the window of Sasuke's room in the Uchiha complex, he snatched up the safe and dashed back Sasuke's Fangirl Club base, a rundown building that was at first sight, abandoned. Sakura waited by the entrance for him.

"Here." he said bluntly.

"Hm... good!" Sakura said, "I'll get our forces to get this open. In the meantime, you can sign the contract."

Neji followed her into the building only to be blinded by 10,000,000 pictures of Sasuke's smirking face. The very floors seemed to be carpeted by article's of Sasuke's clothing, and the walls smeared with the offerings of blood to the Uchiha god, Uchiha Adumi, supposedly the best looking Uchiha of them all.

He quivered as he passed the hoardes of fangirls. Not all of them were citizens of Konoha; rock, rain, mist, even girls from sound were gathered in this dark building.

Finally the walk ended as Sakura prepared to open a creepy white door. "Alright Neji. Are you ready to sign the contract?"

"... yes," he said solemnly.

They stepped into the room. It was... a bright white dressing room? The room had was divided with white lockers. It had two doors leading out, the one he came through, and a suspicious black one.

"Change into these," Sakura stated, passing him a hooded robe the same color as Sasuke's shirt. Over the heart was an Uchiha fan.

"You can't be serious," Neji growled.

"You want to go to the archives don't you?" She asked sweetly.

"Fine..." he grumbled.

Sakura went to the other side of the lockers and changed into a similar (though tighter) version of the robes while Neji slid into his. Then she led him through the black door.

As he stepped in, his eyes widened in horror.

It was basically a dim round room with a beautiful black altar in the center. Three steps led up to the alter, all of the having footmarks apparently made from two of Sasuke's shoes. The footmarks on the third step left indentions on the floor similar to a bowl. On the altar was an ebony dagger. The blade was long and curved, the hilt intricately carved into a likeness of Sasuke. Next to the dagger was the contract, a parchment sheet tied shut with a crimson ribbon.

"What's the knife for?" Neji nervously queried.

"Oh, you have to sign the contract in blood," Sakura said casually.

His eyes widened as she walked to the altar, leaving him standing by himself. He turned to leave, thoroughly freaked out, only to find the door was locked.

"No turning back, Neji," She smiled sadistically, her eyes covered by a dark shadow.

_With Kisame_

"Geez! How am I supposed to know how many fangirls Itachi has!" Kisame told himself, "I didn't think he had any... especially in Konoha seeing as how he's basically known as a crazed psycho murderer and most people have never seen him. Wait... Konoha. Why aren't I being arrested? I'm a missing-nin sitting on a bench in middle of Konohagakure. I'm wearing my Akatsuki cloak and everything! I guess Konoha is lamer than I thought."

Then he got an idea. "I bet they aren't verifying these numbers... Hehehe... Hahahaha! BWAHAHAHAHA!"

Some dork walked by and threw a wad of paper at Kisame's poor blue head. "Stop talking to yourself, freak!"

Kisame glared and grabbed his Samehade.

SKLORTCH!

The kid deserved it.

_You must really want to know what's happening with Neji, right? Well, you first will know what's up with Gaara! Haha, Yeah!_

Gaara walked up to the time machine. Kakashi might not have many fangirls now because of , but as a child... who knew how many there were...

"Um... here goes..." said Gaara, closing his eyes and pressing one of the buttons tentatively. Suddenly he flashed through many places in time. One showed himself with his siblings, some guy with sunglasses he saw at the convention, and some creep with a ponytail trapped in a box. Another flashed to Neji petting his kitten in the future. At last it stopped in Konoha with Kakashi and a red haired girl sacrificing an Uchiha in the back of an alley. Nobody there could see Gaara.

"Hey, Kashi-kun, let's get Adumi next!" said the red haired girl.

"Uh-uh, we've got to follow the schedule, Rin." Chibi Kakashi said crossly. (aaaaw!)

_How long has he worn that mask?_ thought Gaara, not giving the bleeding guy on the ground as much as a glance.

"Yah, who's next?" the girl, apparently named Rin asked.

"Heh, Obito is. I can't wait." Chibi Kakashi said.

"Yeah, it'll be great to finally kill him."

Then a guy with goggles walked in. "Hey guys! Watcha' doin' in this secluded alley?"

"Er... nothing, Obito! Nothing at all!" Rin said.

"Oh Rin! I could never hope for a more wonderful and trustworthy friend than you!" cried Obito.

"Hm," hmed Kakashi.

"But you... I hate you. If I were ever given the opportunity to save your life, I wouldn't do it. I would save RIN though. 'Cause she's wonderful and trustworthy!" Then Obito stuck out his tongue disdainfully.

_Well, I guess Rin counts as a Kakashi fangirl... _thought Gaara, spotting the picture of him sticking out of her pocket. _Well, that's one down, a lot to go. _Gaara then took out a pencil and his handy notebook and put in a single tally mark.

_Finally back with Neji_

Kneeling on the third step she bowed her head. "O great Adumi, accept this new member into our Sisterhood. I know not his intentions, but if he means well for your beloved family member, I am sure you will grant him passage into your heart."

"Come here Neji," Sakura said with false kindness.

He walked forward in fear. What was going on! Was she going to kill him? He left his weapons in the other room and Sakura was pretty vicious.

"Hold out your hand," she continued.

He lifted his sweaty shaking palm to her. She raised the dagger and sliced the flesh of his palm.

Both watched as the footstep/bowl filled with his blood. Then she healed his hand with chakra.

"Ok Neji, lets get this signed..." Sakura cheered, passing him the contract and a quill she got from seemingly nowhere.

"Um... this is a feather." Neji said plainly.

"Well, duh. You sign it in blood. _Your _blood, actually. Just dip the feather in and sign."

He scanned over the contract. It basically told him to be loyal to the fangirls and be good to Sasuke. And to study the Book of Adumi.

"Whatever..." he sighed and dipped the quill in his blood.

Even with a feather, he wrote in flowing cursive the was more like calligraphy than anything else.

"Well, thank you Neji! You're an official Sasuke fangirl! Remember to always have your ID which will be given to you in the front room by Takuya Ki along with your Book of Adumi and your outfit for meetings. You have to wear the robes as long as you hang out in the building. Once you get your ID, you can go to the archives. Go on!" Sakura smiled as though he hadn't just signed himself into a cult with his blood.

"Um... sure..." Neji muttered, awestruck.

54m23n9bv-49352m9v

Alright, that was weird. Adumi does not have a Japanese meaning; I checked. So don't go looking.

jgc123: Thanks for the help on writing that one, Kalila.

Kalilamae: np.

jgc123: Eh, well... I don't suppose you could help me with the next one?

Kalilamae: Sure, whatever. It's not like I wrote a lot. I just didpart ofthe section with Gaara and part of the Neji thing.

jgc123: LOOK! A BOLOGNA SANDWICH!

Kalilamae: Huh? Where! Ok, enough references for one ending... talky... thingy... whatever this thing is called.

jgc123: Fine...


End file.
